The Grace of a Good Teacher

I stand all alone on the edge of the platform. This is the high dive. It looks so easy, so doable from below. But all that changes up here as a slight breeze ruffles my hair and brings goosebumps to my exposed skin. 

Below my feet, I see the lake, dark chocolate reflecting the sky in broken bits as waves lap the dock. I could easily walk right back down the ladder to that dock, but I’m glued to my spot. There’s no way I’ll humiliate myself going back! But going forward feels impossible, insurmountable. 

“C’mon, Al!” my mother yells from below. Her voice is not friendly or encouraging. She’s ready to go home and tired of waiting for me to make up my mind. As she picks up her bag and begins to walk up the grassy embankment, her back to me, I let out a sigh, lean over the edge and drop in, hitting the water with a smacking thud. 

I should point out here, I am five years old. 

C’mon in, the water feels wonderful!

That moment from over 50 years ago is seared in my memory. There was no joy or celebration that day, no pat on the back. Sadly it didn’t build my confidence in being in the water.

Later, when I tried to prove to the lifeguard that I knew how to swim so I would be allowed to go where the big kids swim, I saw my brothers and held up my hands to wave. “Look at me!” I yelled as my mouth filled with water and I began to sink. They ignored me and the lifeguard sent me right back to the kiddy section. 

As you know, I’m a hiker, but I love swimming too. I’ve never been a very accomplished swimmer, though easy “laps” in a local lake have helped me get back in shape when I didn’t want to put weight on my broken foot.

But ever since those moments as a child, I’ve felt insecure in water, uncertain if it would simply take me under and swallow me whole. And that fear and anxiety has haunted me whenever taking part in activities that require immersing myself in water. 

Like kayaking. 

Sink or Swim

I know, it seems like a good kayaker would stay out of the water. But as my friend Peter describes kayaking, “Paddling is the short moments in the boat between swimming.”

Good boat handling and a bomb-proof brace usually does keep a paddler upright, but all of us have to assume we’ll tip over eventually in rough conditions, and we need to know how to get back into our boats quickly, efficiently and safely – especially if the water is cold. 

I have no problem belly-flopping onto my boat from the water and snaking back into the cockpit. It’s that flipping upside down, wrenching off my spray skirt and coming to the surface that freaks me out. Call me claustrophobic and totally disoriented when upside down. What if I get trapped in my spray skirt and can’t get out?!

Taking a Class

So this past weekend, I faced down those fears, and took an all-day kayaking class. Most of the day was dedicated to improving our strokes, while “wet exits” was saved for the end of the day. 

That just gave me more time to freak out. 

It does seem a bit ridiculous considering the lake we chose was calm and relatively warm on an 80-degree day. Plus, five boaters were nearby should I breath in a mouthful of water and pass out. My fear of sinking to the bottom was totally unfounded. I was wearing a personal flotation device which would hold my head up, no matter what happened. 

Our teacher Sam taught us how to make tight turns and we were playing a game of maneuvering around a buoy. As we “rafted up” around him, bouncing gently in tiny waves,  Sam looked at me and said, “The time has come!”

I immediately started crying. 

Positive Learning Environment

All those tears came from the five-year-old Alison and not the rational grown-up Alison. But a good teacher made all the difference. Sam didn’t roll his eyes or act impatient. He showed respect for me and my fear, then gently helped me let go of it.

Rather than just toss us in the water, Sam offered a step-by-step approach. The mind can more easily hold onto bite-sized steps rather than cascading directions where the fear can take over and cause us to move too quickly or forget a step. 

Encourage Risk Taking

He started by placing his boat in a T next to mine, and having me hold the bow while gently leaning over and touching the water with my head, pulling right back up if it felt scary. 

It helped that he also offered me nose-plugs, taking away one of the uncomfortable consequences of being upside down in a lake. I felt safe now, holding on while dipping, then eventually letting go entirely. Without my spray skirt, my body simply fell out of the boat without any effort on my part. 

Provide Feedback and Guidance

I trusted Sam because his comments were effective. The first time I turned the boat over, I banged into it as I came up. He suggested I toss my body out more as I flipped over, which mimics real conditions. His calm guidance caused me to do just that and poke right up in the water clearing the boat entirely and naturally holding both my paddle and boat so they wouldn’t float away. 

The next step was to fall in with my spray skirt tightly affixed to my boat. Rather than have me panic underwater trying to find the release loop, he suggested falling in with both hands on the loop. Once I did that, I knew I’d find the loop again in any situation – or could just throw my knees up and snap it off. 

Promote a Growth Mindset

Sam set up a series of steps where failure wasn’t part of the equation. Rather exploring and trying. He didn’t belittle my fear with a lecture on the importance of learning this particular skill. He instead put “wet exits” within a constellation of skills I’d want to learn to increase my confidence in the water and make kayaking more enjoyable. Obviously I need to learn this skill, but he presented it as growing and improving, not winning or losing. 

In the end, I fell in the water five times and assisted a rescue twice. My confidence increased, my skills improved and my fear was vanquished. 

The Grace of a Good Teacher

Just wanting to get better and do something out of my comfort zone wasn’t enough. I needed a guide who possessed strong leadership and teaching skills. 

By the end of day, the crinkly Blissful smile had returned and I was buzzing with plans for my next kayak adventure – including plenty of falling out of my boat!