Have you ever made a serious mistake, something rather dumb you should have known better than to overlook? You might beat yourself up over it, but then discover that maybe this total screw up actually opened up new possibilities.
Next week, I’ll hike a long section of the Continental Divide Trail, beginning at the beginning, in the New Mexico Bootheel.
One of the things I’m looking forward to most is sleeping “cowgirl” style, out in the open without a tent. It’s a singular experience – especially in the desert where the air is dry and the skies are crystal clear. Your ceiling is an explosion of stars and planets, passing satellites plus a visit from the man in the moon.
I love this style of camping, but that has not always been the case. I’ve often felt safer in my tent, even though a thin layer of nylon won’t do much to keep out anyone determined enough to get in.
I got a crash course on cowgirl camping in another desert in another state and in an altogether different mood.
It was on the Arizona Trail with March temperatures dipping into the teens. I cuddled tightly into my ultra-warm 10-degree bag and zipped myself into my tent, shutting out views in a trade for comfort.
Before I tucked in, I was treated to a lovely sunset and I was transfixed by the layers of mountain beauty surrounding me.
Perhaps it was the relaxed state of awe that lulled me into complacency and got a bit more careless than normal. When I packed up the next morning, I neglected to take my usual look back to ensure nothing was left behind before I walked away.
Big mistake.
Twenty miles later, at a perch on a windswept saddle, I unpacked my tent and realized I had left my stake bag back at the last site!
You can imagine the expletives, the tears, the frantic unpacking of everything to double check this wasn’t so.
Nope, you left ‘em behind…dummy!
While losing all my tent stakes is not a complete catastrophe, my tent is not freestanding. It requires stakes to keep it in place while my two walking sticks hold it aloft. Without stakes, the entire operation is a saggy mess, vulnerable to the wind.
I could tie it down somehow, or find a trove of stones. But all I could find was one large stone and two little ones, not enough to do the trick.
The only option, it would seem, would be to not set the tent at all and sleep in the open.
Alone, a little unsure in this high exposed place, I lay down the tent’s footprint and secured it with those few rocks and my backpack. I then placed my mattress and sleeping bag on top, took a deep breath and crawled inside.
Forgive Yourself
We all make mistakes, and there are some practical steps for dealing with the aftermath.
- acknowledge what happened
- access the impact
- learn from the experience
- forgive yourself
- move forward
Once I realized I was safe and could find another way to sleep outside, I could focus my energy on making sure it never happened again by storing my tent stakes in a brightly colored bag and setting up a strict packing routine – especially if I was hiking in wet conditions!
But maybe most important was to forgive myself. There was no point in punishing my future for the mistake of my past. I needed to move forward – quite literally on trail – then find a place to order new stakes sent to me at care of the next post office.
Right now, all that was to be done was to stay in this present moment, which snuck up on me in its gloriousness. Since I hadn’t closed myself into my tent, I could focus longer on the changing light over the desert and the distant Rincon Mountains.
In a few days, I’ll be climbing the highest peak, Mount Mica, I thought, forgetting all about the tent stake snafu as this nearly 9,000-foot snowcapped peak turned a deep purplish-pink and a velvety blue sky began to fill with stars.
Maybe leaving those tent stakes behind wasn’t such a bad thing afterall. If I hadn’t left them, I wouldn’t have this extraordinary show plus all the cowgirl camping nights and their extraordinary shows to follow.
I could then relax and let go of the dumb mistake.
And the best news of all? No one visited overnight, neither man or beast, and I slept like a dream.
6 Responses
Love this quote: “There was no point in punishing my future for the mistake of my past.” It’s a keeper. Enjoy New Mexico and the Gila. I hiked in the Gila with a friend last year. We loved it and I’m sure you will too.
thank you! I have to remind myself of this over and over! I am super excited to be seeing the Gila. I camped alongside it on the AZT and drank from it.
We are starting April 4th at Cliff Dwellers for a 10 hike in Gila Wilderness l. Maybe we will cross paths at the park👍🏻
oh that’s fantastic! I will be in the Gila about the same time. Cannot wait to see this magnificent place.
I am always amazed upon reading about your cow girl sleeping style, and you never mentioning about ants, snakes, wild, cats, and other animals that would smell your food packs within your backpack and not disturb it nor you. There must be a secret you’re not sharing with us. Just curious.
I’ve been following all of your hikes vicariously since I am too old to even ponder that sort of hiking Thank you for sharing your trials and tribulations as well as your joy.
Thank you! I only camp out under the stars when it’s chilly out and the animals seem tucked into their burrows. I keep my food away from me in an odor prrof container. No one has visited as of yet!